BORIS KIROV

Some of the best days are when you are out, running errands. If they are related to some photographic publication, like a riso zine, even better. Many of us are bound by the desk. Some in their homes, others in offices. There are many perks to that, like, you can walk your dog three times a day, go grab some lunch in the park nearby, maybe do a small sunbathing session, prepare your own meals. You can lay on the couch for some good 30–40 minutes and relax, spend time with your family, say hello to the delivery guy, do some vacuuming, and I bet many more. But being outside on the run, going from place to place, talking with people about a project you are working on. Well, that's special. I made two physical photographic artifacts in the last year. "200 POSTCARDS" was my first photobook, which sold out, and I will never republish again. And this year launch of "Summer in the city". A co-project with the talented photographer and awesome human Nuno Cruz. We started by showing some fine prints in March. Things slowly went out of hand, in a good way, so we added our own riso printed zine to the mix. There is something quite rewarding about doing that. You discuss, and bounce of each other's ideas, collaborate with printing studios, paper sellers, stamp makers, then design stickers, a website, evaluate packaging, and keep track of expenses. And let me tell you, that's a shortcut to meeting like-minded people, and build relationships, and I mean that in the least LinkedIn way possible. It usually all comes to that one week. You spend a humongous time preparing, planning, discussing and then it unfolds. In one week you visit the print house a few times, go pick cover paper from this mesmerizing paper shop, where you spend an unfair amount of time reviewing if it's the right orange, or texture, or if the paper lines match the folding directions. Then you go to the stamp shop. It's right there in the busiest part of town. You may rush into it, but you get a loud interruption: "Drinks outside, alstublieft!". Go back, lean down, leave the coffee by the door, hiding behind a street pole, thinking: "There is a tiny chance someone will kick it, right?”, but it doesn't matter, and you confidently go back. The stamp is ready, a quick live demo. Then the A2 prints, the labels, and stickers, because where would we be if we didn't have some stickers? Last but not least, go back to the studio (we did things with Terry Bleu), stay for a few hours, relax … breathe… watch every step, enjoy the uniqueness of the riso machine, admire the craft itself. Things are falling into pieces, and you slowly observe everything unfolding. Usually it takes time to see that, but that's the magic of making things for a long time. You trust your gut more. We are proud to share that from 17th of May, the second edition of “Summer in the city”, the riso zine will be available. Have a look, and you know what to do. Don't be a stranger.

As I am renewing my ov-chipkaart, I realise it's been 5 years. You have to update your address, phone number, and add bank details. Everything has changed. That makes me think. I often get asked: “How’s life in Amsterdam? Are you planning to go home?”. Leaving your home country and starting a life somewhere else is no easy task. My life in Bulgaria was good: a highly paid job, a wide social circle, family, comfort, and nature. Moving to Amsterdam challenged everything that I was taking for granted. I only had a job, which was the reason for coming. So, some of the reasons why Amsterdam is still my favourite city to live in. First, I love this city. It’s small, compact, quiet, calm, patient, green, and diverse. It can also be overwhelming, chaotic, noisy, and dirty at the same time. You can walk through De Pijp on a hot summer's day, and experience hundreds of people biking furiously, not giving tourists a breather just to cross the street. Bars with no empty seats, everyone shouting, trams ringing their bells, people are using the wrong doors again, and scooters flying from every direction. But you can also cross the Amstelkanaal, and things change. Amsterdam becomes quiet, calm, green, and spacious. Second is people. Every year, you meet new faces with their own stories. Some friendships are just for a moment, others stay for a while, and still others remain from day one. That builds both resilience and appreciation. Third is the flora and fauna. I’m not gonna talk about how green Amsterdam is, but about birds. As we are living in a swamp, birds are everywhere (around 570 species). Geese, swans, coots, ducks, the notorious heron, and many more, all of them living in the city. You might pass by the Oosterpark and hear the parrot festival at the corner of Bar Bukowski. Whether Albert Cuyp or the Ganzenhoef Bijlmer market, the herons wait patiently for the fish stalls to close up, so they can catch the leftover prey. At Somerlust by the Amstel, enjoying the sunset, you hear the loud clucks and whistles of a mama goose, navigating her goslings through the crowds. Staying vigilant, she will see from a distance if there is a dog around, but never alert if everyone remains calm. Last but not least, water, so much water, Amsterdam is water. People love water, live in boat houses or manmade islands, sunbathe on boats, jump from bridges during the heatwaves, and have their dinners by the river. Yes, that’s life in Amsterdam, some days.

I love this quote from Embrace Hunger: "When you start observing a system, the system changes". You become aware and that creates intention over it. As a system designer, I’m in this eternal trap of thinking everything is a system. Sometimes it helps a lot, other times it's exhausting. But this time it helped, like you want to just jump and run, and be happy that it happened. You start convincing yourself with a loud inner voice: "It just makes so much sense! So much sense. And now everything should fall into place." Starting this blog made me really excited about the future and everything I can do with it. Many of the folks I am inspired by have already adopted the method of intentional writing and seasonal blogging. And it felt right. Documenting specific periods of time, as not every moment in time, should be a highlight of your life. There is plenty of filling in between. That's how we know certain moments are important. So I decided April 2025, as the start of this journey. I’m stuck with an injury, alone in Amsterdam. It’s also important to pick a title for this first season, something to say how everything was and still is. Komorebi (木漏れ日), a Japanese word that explains a certain phenomenon: “Sunlight leaking through trees”. Picking this title was right for many reasons. I should have been in Japan walking, but had to postpone. It was also a new word I learned in one of our recent photowalks with Nuno and Chië. I also experienced that so many times in all the gardens and forests I visited. Spring was so generous to everyone in Amsterdam this year, and we took advantage. Last but not least, why Komorebi is the perfect title for this season is because of what it symbolizes. Light emerging through a filter. A metaphor for the hopes and emotions we want to let through during the hard moments in our lives.

Let's go on a solo hike. I don't remember when was the last time I did one. Maybe I never did. But I know I enjoy walking. Walking when intentional creates a special connection. With yourself, or with others if done together. Combining this with my love for photography, an open mind and things are all set. Walk from one train station to another, and go home. NS which is the principal Dutch railway company (Nederlandse Spoorwegen), are kind enough to provide recommendations about hikes in nature. With point A a station, and point B another station, a sophisticated way to introduce walking distances to everyone. So I picked one that goes through the Bornia forest in the Utrecht province from Driebergen-Zeist to Maarn. Of course, I got lost a little bit, I knew I needed to keep going east if I want to end up in Maarn station. People often say there is barely any nature in the Netherlands, but I walked on trails that kept changing their scenery, from dunes, palm tree forests, swamps and fields. Also, for the next three hours I met only two people.

Pain diagrams. Who would have thought that would be my Monday morning? As injuries enter different stages in their progression, we sit down with Bram and talk it out."It's interesting, isn't it?" - that's what he is saying most of the time. Me trying to explain what works and what doesn't. Things are not linear, progress and recovery isn't either. We know that, everyone talks about it .... like all the time. But still, yeah, maybe putting things into perspective, my eye for photography, my skills for design, me being a human, have definitely changed in the last 33 years, and I want to believe for the better. I mean I get it. But still .... pain is still daily, but less. I mean way less. And sometimes it's painful, and you get that sometimes, and you try to inflate it, and that messes you up. What a human thing to do. So what did I do? As I am lucky to be off-work, I had to be in Japan walking. I walked. Walked Leiden. Walked the Hortus botanicus Leiden. Bought baguettes. Found some North Face gems in a thrift store. Had some herring with the baguettes. Enjoyed a coffee. I saw a really special police station. Here is to pain.

Last year there was this moment where I felt I didn't want to live in Amsterdam anymore. It was tough. Winter can be hard, it can also be dark, and wet, and cold. But you always have that with every city you live in, especially when you move away from your hometown. I remember living back in Sofia, and started meeting more people from different provinces coming to live in the big city. No idea what that meant, socially, emotionally and mentally. It requires a lot. You need to build new relationships, get to know the city, the people, the dynamics, how seasons play a role in everything in it. And I can think of so many more things. For the last 6 years, I have been one of those people, and I embraced it. Invested in myself, my relationships, getting to know Amsterdam. Today was one of those days: a friend, the sun, nature, and a 19km walk. Amsterdam is still my favorite place of all places for that reason. It's like living in a fairy tale. The city is small, compact, diverse and green. Oh my, so green. We ended up walking the north side of Amsterdamse Bos, a huge manmade forest which holds a rich natural area and allows you to decompress easily from the city. Walking in Amsterdam forest, I have done that many times, and yet today we found another new trail to explore. It's days like these that make you fall in love again. Also, to be humble and thankful for how lucky you are, being in this city, living this life.

I wouldn't lie to anyone by saying there was disappointment for a moment. I did a lot. Juggled between family, having a newborn, dealing with burnout, work, life, comfort, and safety, acting like a project manager for your own ideas is hard. It's also a pretty hard pill to swallow when the plan doesn't work out. I mean, after my burnout last year, I was totally numb from all kinds of feelings and experiences, and they happened a lot. It definitely took time, but as with any challenge, it just requires one simple thing. To do something about it. Spending time alone, working on a creative project (my first photo-book sold out!!!), long walks, no internet, build things, cycling until you severely injure yourself, start writing again, and witnessing your firstborn coming into this world. Let's not lie to ourselves. All those things are hard, but there is a reason why we always admire people who do the hard things. Coming from a Balkan state like Bulgaria, we have plenty of prejudice about many things, and I don't think that's only in Bulgaria. But facing them, doing something about it, well, that's extremely hard. Because you actually go against yourself, and you don't know what's on the other side. Maybe you won't be liked or loved anymore, maybe you won't love yourself. I had this crazy idea of traveling around the globe, creating a memoir about it. Making a book out of it, showing it to my kid when she grows up. Well, it's not gonna happen now, and strangely enough, I'm okay with it. It felt like if I didn't do it now, it might never happen. Then you sit down, breathe through it, and remind yourself what a buddy of mine told me once- "Okay, it doesn't need to happen right now, there is time for everything". You stand up, even with the mind-bending pain l have been experiencing for the last 8 weeks, and you keep going. Instead of bringing myself down with blame, guilt or projecting that to others, which would be so easy, I just started to write about everything. It's a memoir, but with a different beginning and I think that's way more special. Here is a photo from a walk I did between Zaandam and Wormerveer two days ago to visit my physiotherapist.

I did a few voice memos while walking in the Amsterdamse Waterleidingduinen to see if it was going to be a nice experience to document my thoughts and write after that. It's amusing to hear your raw thoughts out loud. I was a little bit "Who's that guy!?". But it felt like a way to get closer to myself. Walking in the dunes of the North Sea on your own, not seeing a person for even 40 minutes in The Netherlands, especially in Randstad is a big deal. That's like one of the largest metropolitan regions in Europe. So, seeing people walking, biking, doing is something normal, so once you don't see that for a while, you start to feel funny. Recording memos was also interesting. I felt my voice dubbed, because I was in the open with nothing or no-one around me.

“We will start with exposure to the pain, you will perform all the movements that trigger it." That's what my therapist said today. I don't want to lie to anyone, especially to myself, when writing this but, inside I was so happy. Someone advised me about something that I believe in so much. Exposing myself, making myself uncomfortable, treating myself in situations which I know will be unpleasant, and I don't mean in some masochistic way, like not to feel pain. More about putting yourself in certain situations. Like, after a burnout and severe inner ear infection, I started to develop this phobia of flying. I'm flying again. You start losing weight because you cut off snacks and junk food, and then have a bag of chips, and you start tripping in fear that all the work is gone. So yeah, that mindset is useful to ground you down, and has helped me so much in life. Don't forget the uncomfortable conversations facing yourself, your partner, your family, your social and cultural norms. Honestly, treating myself differently has always protected me. I can tell you that once pain stays in your body, your mind starts to play tricks on you, but exposing yourself to it. Well, that's exactly what you need to hear.

Sometimes I think I enjoy doing things because I can. Like this website. I wanted to have a photographically-inspired website, but I've always enjoyed writing too. Because today was supposed to be the start of my walk in Japan (which I have started preparing for the last 14 months). Unfortunately, posterior chain injuries are a new level of mental challenge due to the severity, stress and lack of immediate treatment. I needed to postpone it. I wanted to document the experience, but I never did a thing. So, to make myself feel better, I sat down (technically I was laying on my yoga mat with knees bent and feet on the floor) and made this, amazingly simple and zero friction system to keep a blog for less than a day and completely free. I use the Notion API to call a document which I use as a database. And basically I write everything on my phone whenever I want, and it magically appears here. Everything is stored in a table, tidy and simple. It reminds me of the old Tumblr days. I even added an RSS, not because someone will subscribe for it, but because I know how to. So, you can say I created the actual system I needed.

As I'm spending a sunny day in Utrecht Botanical Gardens, admiring the greenery, the butterflies, and the educational signs, teaching us about the cycle of life, it gets me thinking. Everything is a cycle, and sometimes a cycle feels like a loop. Identifying what's a loop and what's a cycle is a hard job. But we know some. I used to smoke, I used to drink, I used to enjoy listening to people badmouth others, or blame others for my own fears and failures. I also remember reading a book about something completely different. It was about economics, and how a corrupt and poor country will always be corrupt and poor. There are no elections, no democracy that could save an already established loop. The only thing there is, is to break the system, or corrupt the loop by completely destroying it. Often it's a single event that breaks a cycle. Your grandmother's passing, the birth of your firstborn, the events of life and death have that power on all of us, as they are the essence of a cycle. But not always. Sometimes it's just a slowly growing seed of doubt that we put in us about something, and once you know that, you start working towards breaking the loop.

Curiosity has been one of the most important and useful skills to nurture and develop. It's helping me understand better what I want. It's helping me appreciate the people I enjoy spending my time with. It's also helping me solve problems and remove obstacles. Two days, friends, cameras, 40km walking, Eastern Docklands & Westelijke Eilanden. Photography has always had that therapeutic power to make me be present and appreciate a moment, with no expectation, just a point in time and you being with it.

Today I was supposed to be in Japan, but due to a severe neuromuscular posterior chain injury (yeah, I’m reading a trigger point therapy book), it's basically possible to survive a flight of 14h, but then again, I was supposed to walk for 10 days with an average of 15km, with max of 24km. It just doesn't make sense, with the pain that you experience when you sit, or when you wake up. That also brings me to the point: we all want immediate closure and action nowadays. Once you stay in the bay of pain for a while, you start to use this feeling to clear the rest of the noise. You start to observe the relationships, the behavior, the importance of the small routines. Thank you pain and see you sooner than you think Japan ✌️

I was offered morphine for the pain, which happened exactly two and a half months ago from today. Today, walking has been the only thing that saves me from the inexplicable pain. That is nerve pain. Since then, I have lost more than 13kg. I also tried cycling in Mallorca for 300km and completely destroyed my body. I’m so glad it happened, because every door that's closed allows you to open the other one. There, you find the monsters that you wanted to avoid in the first place. And you just see those are just some feelings, not monsters.